Hubris

In the Concise Oxford Dictionary, hubris is defined as "Insolent pride or presumption".

I think of that often as I struggle to complete The Book.

I also think about all the authors out there who have also had the hubris to think someone - anyone - is interested in what they have to write.  Truth be told, many authors don't find a publisher, and even if they do, don't necessarily sell very many copies.

So, why do it then?

Honestly?  I really don't know.

Except...enough students have told me that not only do I have techniques they want to learn, they say I can communicate them well enough that they can understand them.

But still.  It takes a great deal of effort, time and, yes, money, to publish a book.  For this one I am self-publishing, partly because I don't think there will be sufficient readership (purchases) for a 'regular' publisher to take it on.

I had 1000 copies of Magic printed; I made 900 copies with 20, then 22 actual fabric samples.  There isn't a publisher in the world who would have done what I felt needed to be done to really illustrate what wet finishing was, and how to do it, including actual cloth, for a price anyone would be able or willing to pay.  I'd worked in a library, I'd worked in the copy centre of a school, I had published newsletters, and I had a really good idea of just how much work was involved in bringing such a publication into reality.

Nearly two decades have gone by since I spent the better part of four years on the initial work of Magic (plus all the years that followed, marketing it).  I'm now on year five of this book, partly because I kept giving up and shelving it for chunks of time while I dealt with health issues.  I'm now beginning year six - and so close to being 'done' (as far as my input goes) I can taste it.

On the other hand, while part of me thinks I have something of value to contribute to the weaving community, the business person part of me keeps questioning whether or not I'll actually make any money at it.  I have already invested several thousand dollars plus all my time, with more to come as I pay an editor to polish the manuscript and make it look as appealing as it can.  Because in this day and age, Gestetner copies are not sufficient - books also have to have eye appeal as well as good information.

At this point I have invested so much into this project that it is no longer a matter of hubris, but wanting to at least recoup the finances that I've spent on it.  If it goes beyond that?  I will be relieved.  But I have also reached a point where the doubt, the not knowing, has become a huge hurdle.  I need to carry on because I've come too far to stop.